What a great day to stay in a musky bedroom for hours and play video games!
Author PaperHelmet
Status Active
Genre Comedy, RPG

HOMESTESQUE is an MSPFA based rather lightly on (and partly named after) Andrew Hussie's Homestuck. This adventure started some time in September, 2010. The adventure in and of itself borrows mechanics from Homestuck, such as the use of a Sylladex in the stead of a standard inventory system, and the use of a Strife Deck to be used in the event of conflict. It also has mechanics unique to Homestesque, including Character Sheets and the enigmatic Exploit Ivory.

This adventure features several flash updates and original music by EmuLegs.

Adventure Forum Thread with suggestions, commentary, and art by the fans, as well as additional comments by PaperHelmet

Mirror :A refined archive of the adventure, without all the shenanigans in between.



A DYNAMIC DUO stand at the foot of one of the complex' many townhouses...


The story begins with two playable characters, Neil Garnette and Tyler Steel. They are getting ready to enter the house of their friend who has invited them over for some rousing online gaming. Right from the get-go, they begin to partake in shenanigans that border on the hilarious, including switching each other's hats and pretending that Neil is The Joker. They attempt to ascend the stairs of the house, only to find that their friend's father has left a large Bronzed Carnivore on the staircase, barring their passage. They immediately get to finding a solution to this problem. Of particular note is Neil's decision to sprout wings and fly, which the Exploit Ivory (an intangible game entity resembling a many-sided die) responded to by lowering Neil's Astuteness (intellect) by a single point. Eventually, Neil uses his vast knowledge of pretty much fucking everything to arrive at the simple answer; he tells Tyler to simply captchalogue the Bronzed Carnivore, thus freeing up the stairs.

After a brief confrontation with their friend's father (who, despite being thankful that his Bronzed Carnivore was found, takes a verbal stab at both Neil and Tyler's sexuality), the two boys climb the stairs to meet an inattentive Andre Cementi, who is patiently waiting in his room. After allocating a cluster of dice to his new strife card, stocking up on gaming guidebooks and playing a rather awkward keyboard refrain, Neil and Tyler show up and shit gets real. It is then revealed that there is still one more friend to wait for before the games can begin.

The trio spend a little time dicking around. Andre manages to find his third gaming guidebook high atop his bookshelf and out of reach. This is easily remedied by captchaloguing it from afar with his Pictionary Fetch Modus.

This is when the fourth friend is introduced in a rather suspenseful manner. She is Sarah Rennings, a local girl who has been friends with the three boys for ages. Interestingly, none of the boys have any romantic feelings for Sarah whatsoever.

The kids discuss their schedual for the rest of the night, centered around playing a new game called SQUEST. They then disperse the game's beta CDs for installation. While this is happening, they come across a very messy peice of paper that seems to be "instructions" to the game. Unable to make heads or tails of the grubby scrawlings, they install SQUEST and prepare to play. However, the game doesn't seem to be anywhere close to what they thought it would be...


Characters --------------------------------------------------------------- Edit

Main Party Edit

Neil Garnette Edit

Neil Garnette is the first character to be named and the first character to be properly introduced. He is the 13 year-old manager of a pizza place somewhere, and he has the power to give himself days off. He has a black hat, a ponytail and a band across one eye due to a paintball mishap. His interests are rather refined, as he seems to enjoy social politics and the thrill of debate. He can play the bass guitar and drums, and has a penchant for computers and computer programming. He also seems to have a vast knowledge of "pretty much fucking everything" for a universally unknown reason. He presumably runs an internet browser called Nightshade. On Pesterchum his text is purple, he is known as genialCalamity.

Early in the story, Neil has been shown to be generally smarter than the rest of the cast, with an accelerated thinking process and the ability to contemplate complicated subjects in a matter of seconds, to an extent where, theoretically, he can repair any intelligence damage he may have suffered from actions such as rolling for the ability to grow wings and fly (which he may have always dreamed of doing). He has also been shown to have a firm grip on reality, which is tested when Neil and Tyler are sucked into SQUEST.

Neil's chosen strife specibus is hatkind, and he has a Chastity Modus.

Tyler SteelEdit

Tyler Steel was shown at the same time Neil was, but was only properly introduced a couple of updates later. He wears prohibition-era style clothing, which includes his pork-pie hat, a vest, and suspenders. His interests include music, making music, listening to music and music in general as shown by his Music Lock Modus. It is somewhat unclear what kind of music he prefers, though it has been suggested he does not have a particular favorite genre, and just likes music in general. He is a HUGE fan of Batman, and apparently believes that he, in fact, is Batman. He is quite proficient at playing the bass guitar and using it as a weapon, as evidenced by his strife specibus being set to basskind, and is fascinated by Lovecraftian horrors, but has never read an H.P. Lovecraft novel. His text is a simple black and his online handle is baritonalApathy.

Andre Cementi Edit

Andre Cementi
Quite apparently the author (PaperHelmet's) avatar. As such he seems to have some control over the story itself, changing his own given name of Ranchodour Excrementking by extracting some of the letters to his liking. He lives with both his Dad and Mom, as well as his pet dog. He is apparently fond of all kinds of games as evidenced by his dicekind strife deck in his strife portfolio. He seems to particularly enjoy tabletop RPGs as well as video and online games. He sometimes pulls all-nighters on these games, which require a good amount of junk food from the pantry to quell the dreaded munchies. (He apparently has a preference for Mountain Dew and Cheese balls.)

He also enjoys creating art as further evidenced by his Pictionary Modus and pencilkind strife deck, and he likes looking at intrepid fantasyscapes to immerse himself in a state of deep imagination. He is learning to play the keyboard on his old-ass Yamaha but feels that it is not going to well.

Because of his interests, his room is somewhat messy, with sketches and artwork of chicks weilding rakes, as well as rulebooks and drafts from his RPGs littered about. Because of this and an alleged combination of ditzfuckery and forgetitude, he sometimes loses things like his dungeon master's guide for several weeks, though they are sometimes clearly in sight, like right on top of his bookshelf, and as such must be yelled at profusely and reminded of how much worry they had caused him by getting lost. It has been stated that sometimes he has bursts of creativity which tend to get him into trouble.

He was the one to set up the all night SQUEST gaming session with his friends Neil, Tyler, and Sarah, and as such is serving the role of administrator to the other players, a role well suited to his Dungeon Master abilities. His computer, like his room contains large amounts of disorganized artwork in the form of image files. He runs the internet browser "Hellcat" which Neil disregards as unprofessional and uses pesterchum to keep in contact with his friends.

His chumhandle is catharsisArtisan and he types in blue text.

Sarah Rennings Edit

Sarah apparently has been friends with Andre, Niel, and Tyler for quite a while. She is described as being "smart, funny, and a good hearted person." She rides a motorcycle and apparently knows fifty kinds of martial arts, however this may or may not be an exaggeration. She also has lots of strange connections, perhaps a result of her wealthy and powerful parents, who have provided her with a big house which she will presumably inherit along with a gigantic fortune. It has been suggested by fans that she is somewhat of a Mary-Sue. However, unlike a Mary-Sue, and because she is such a great friend with so many good qualities, none of her male companions have any romantic feelings for her whatsoever. Nope, none whatsoever. Definitely not a Mary-Sue.

Upon beginning her session of SQUEST with her friends, she was selected at random to be the damsel and disappointed feminists everywhere made feminists everywhere proud by proceeding to kick ass. We are all completely blown away by this stunning revelation.

Her chumhandle is radicalAngel, she types in orange text, and according to her character sheet, her strife specibus is clockKind which allows her to manipulate time to some extent, and she has a Stopwatch Modus which seems to force the user to indicate a specific time which the item can be retrieved.

"Girl Session" Edit

Kristina Alyssa Regina Athena Gooseberry IVEdit

Kara Gooseberry
Or Kristina for short, apparently lives in the mangrove jungle on the other side of the world from Neil, Tyler, Andre and Sarah. Her interests include archaeology and old objects of all kinds, and often does archaeological digs in the unfinished corner of her room. She lives off the fat of the land, and has made everything she owns with her own two hands, besides her PDA. It has also been mentioned that she has a pot addiction: an addiction to excavating for ancient pottery of course! What did you think it was silly? She also introduced her affinity for pot to her friends, Sammy, Maya, and Suou with whom she is playing SQUEST with. Upon the start of the game she was selected at random to act as the session's damsel.

Her strife specibus is set to lighterkind, though it appears she does not own any kind of Fetch Modi and instead logically carries her belongings on top of her head. Her text is a light green and her online handle is destinyRose.

Sammy CopperEdit


Sammy Copper

Sammy is an avid surfer and beach comber. She enjoys finding and appraising pretty seashells and seaside gems, and hopes to someday be a marine geologist. She has also been described as having an attractive body, and has a prominent interest in boys of the cute variety, though she apparently talks so much about them that it sometimes annoys others, and also seems to have a wide definition on what constitutes a boy as she sometimes indulges in flirting with inanimate objects. This may just be her method of joking around, though she did leave the tree her number...

She likes to excavate ancient pottery with her friends Kristina, Maya, and Suou, and has recently decided on playing SQUEST with them. She may not have the nerve that her friends do, because when it turns out SQUEST is more than an average game, of the four of them, she was the one to panic and try to run.

Her strife specibus is set to surfboardkind. Her chumhandle is surfingSifter and she writes in red text and always ends her sentences with a question mark? Even if it's not an actual question?

<Requires more info, i.e. Fetch modus, typing quirk, etc.>

Maya CapuletEdit


Maya Capulet

Maya's actual name is Kapuretto Maia (in following with the Eastern practice of placing the surname before the individual's actual name), but she has reversed the order and changed the pronunciation and spelling of her name to fit it into a more Western standard, deliberately to spite her nationality. Because of her displeasure with her sister's interests, the spited nationality in question is almost certainly Japanese. She also strongly dislikes Eastern cartoons and comics because she finds them to be stupid, a waste of time, and associates them with her Oriental origins, of which she wishes to disassociate herself with as much as possible. She instead takes interest in cartography, and has proven to be quite the skilled mapmaker for her age. As such, she has superb navigation skills, and with the assistance of her trusty compass, almost never gets lost. This particular interest is reflected in her online handle waywardPathfinder, her choice of brown text when typing, and her Strife Portfolio which contains a markerkind as well as an inkpenkind strife deck, though her preference seems to be to use the markerkind more often because bringing the contents of the inkpenkind deck into the open allegedly dries the ink out. It is noted that her stature is shorter than that of her friends, though it is unclear if she is the same age as them, or perhaps a bit younger, seeing as her sister seems to be of similar height to the others.

Recently she has decided on playing SQUEST with her friends Kristina and Sammy, as well as her older sister Suou. ShE capitalizES thE lEttErS that Stand for thE four cardiNal dirEctionS. ShE iS alSo proNE to uSiNg puNS iNvolviNg dirEctioNS

<Requires more information, i.e. Fetch Modus, Typing Quirk, Etc.>

Capuretto SuouEdit


Cupuretto Suou

Unlike her younger sister Maya, Suou has kept her name's original pronunciation and translated spelling, and seems to prefer putting her surname first when referring to it, as is consistent Eastern cultural practice. Adding to her sister's dismay, she loves Eastern animation and comics, and allegedly spends thousands of dollars on related merchandise, including the less sequitur aspects of the medium, including erotic visual novels and figurines with detachable private parts. Although her sister regards most of her interests as being stereotypical or inherent to their culture, and wishes nothing to do with them, Suou claims that she does not like them for that reason, liking them simply for being of interest to her. Though this could mean that she does not associate her interests with her heritage, her chumhandle justifiedJapanophile suggests otherwise.

The supposed thousands spent on merchandise, when coupled with her love and ownership of multiple computers, including what is referred to as the "best computer", makes it somewhat safe to assume that the Capuretto family is rather wealthy. Though she does own a computer that can hack the Chinese government as well as the knowledge and skill to do so, so that doesn't rule out the suggestion that she could hack as a profession, or hack other structures of commerce...

She also enjoys playing Massively Multiplayer Online games, while eating copious amounts of junk food, including stale instant noodles, in her allegedly trash filled room. Although she is referred to as shady and introverted, (as reflected by her interests,) Kristina finds her eerily charming, and thinks she is the most fashionable in their group of friends including Sammy and Maya (though Kristina is not known for having the best grasp on the world, much less fashion).

Because of her computer skills she is chosen by the group to be the administrator for their SQUEST session. She types in violet colored text with elipses that stand for pauses... sort of like... this...

The Landstar Order Edit

Neil and Tyler encounter this party in the entry hall of the Cave of Baby Steps.

Dash KarestesEdit

The apparent leader of The Landstar Order, Dash is a rather laid-back skater with a backwards baseball cap
and cool shades. While not seeming like your typical MMO know-it-all, Dash is quite game savvy, demonstrating a good understanding of in-game culture and conduct. Not much has been shown regarding his interests and personality, but one thing is for sure. He is downright cool.

He types in red font, Capitilizing beginninG And endinG Letters to makE His sentanceS Look like A Series oF Half-pipeS. His chumhandle is fiftyfiftyGrind. His name is an anagram for "skater shades".

Dyna BarcEdit

One of the female members of the Landstar Order, as well as its second-in-command. She has been described
as "energetic", which may be construed from her choice in garb. She wears mismatched pink and purple Croc sandals, along with (mis?)matching hair accessories and shirt designs. It is also stated that she smells somewhat like candy, which could give some insight into her interests, as well as explain her typing quirk.

Regarding her typing quirk, she uses a light pink colour and fills her text with l}O{lli--O}O{--Os (lollipops) and caramels. Her chumhandle is sweetenedDealer. Her name is an anagram for "candy bar".

Leean SpypsEdit

The other female member of the Landstar Order and its designated "utility caster" (a good indicator of what kind of class she has chosen). At first glance, Leean is a very simple girl with rather slow reaction time. This is either due to her being sleepy (explaining her typing quirk and her still being in her pajamas) or just being innatentive. However, she seems to have a wilder, more enthusiastic side.

She speaks in sleepy blue text and replaZzzeZzz her S's with ZzznoreZzz. Her chumhandle is quietSlumber. Her name is an anagram for "sleepy naps".

Huck (Phineas Irving) SterfingEdit

Dash's cousin and resident hipster of the Landstar Order, Huck comes off as a bit of a pretentious douche. This
may be a direct side-effect of being a pretentious douche. He enjoys music produced by absurdly obscure bands that may or may not actually exist and seems to insult those who don't agree with his preferances. He also has two middle names that he probably wasn't even born with. Huck also wears a beanie that is loaded with pins, an argyle shirt, a scarf, and army medals. Huck is pretty much a complete asshole.

He speaks in beige text and, adds a lot, of unnecissary commas, to his, sentances. His chumhandle is doubtfulObscurity. His name (with the middle names as initials) is an anagram for... you guessed it... "fucking hipster".

Misc. Edit

The MistressEdit

The perceived ruler of the Land Of Volatile Energy, a yet unnamed character only referred to so far as "mistress". She apparently takes charge of locating and imprisoning the Damsels within her dominion of rule. She rules over a number of citizens, but their sentiments on her rule remain unclear, with the exception of her entourage, which seem ready to abide to her will and do battle for her. Of her rather large entourage however, she seems to be the most competent fighter.

The mistress types/speaks in light pink and her quick is tripling R's.

When Sarah meets the Resistance, it is revealed the Mistress used to be a Damsel.

<Requires more information (believe it or not), i.e. Fetch Modus, etc.>

Left Hand ManEdit

A servant of the Mistress, who seems to hold a position of authority on other servants. He talks in grey and his quirk is always putting a full stop after other punctuation marks (except ellipses).

His first name appears to be Roland and he was a member of the Mistress's party.

Andre's Father (Dad) Edit

Mr. Cementi, as described by Neil, has a tendency to be somewhat intimidating and ornery. It has been speculated largely by fans that one of his pastimes is questioning and taking shots at the sexuality of people and perhaps even objects or situations ever since he proceeded to do so to both Neil and Tyler upon their entry to his house. Whether this is a paticular trait of his, or if it is just a result of his broader ornerity, has yet to be seen however. He has an affinity for Bronzed Carnivores, which he collects and sometimes loses, resulting in blocked stairwells. He also has a number of shoes lined up at the entrance to his house. Aside from Andre, his family apparently consists of his wife (Andre's Mother), and a pet dog.

<Requires Image>


Squest ----------------------------------------------------------------- Edit

SQUEST, like a certain other game of which we are all a fan of, is an immersive Simulation game, though it seems that a lot of its players remain unaware of that fact until they find themselves playing it already. Unlike that other game that we are all a fan of however, SQUEST seems to function a bit more like a tabletop RPG, and as such is played on a network of computers, with one player acting as an admin (presumably akin to a dungeon master) and the others acting as the players.

The standard team size seems to be four players to each session, as suggested by the discs provided for playing the game (four CDs, one for each participant, plus an admin CD to be used in supplement for the selected admin of the group), though this has yet to be confirmed.


The admin seems to serve the role of an operator to the questants, somewhat like a dungeon master. Among their duties as such, he or she enables, or otherwise selects, the classes for the questants and presumably has some control over many of the other in-game functions as well, possibly like a server in that other game. It seems to be the case that the admin does not initially enter the game with the other players, and instead must be brought into it by the questants through activation of an object which appears to be an already detonated bomb. However, upon entering it, it would appear that their surroundings (like their house) are transported into the game with them in a rather violent manner, perhaps to act as a base of operations.


Questants apparently function as the active hands to the stationary Admin, and act much like characters in an RPG. They each have a number of classes they can choose from. The classes are selected by the admin (though it would seem possible that the admin could allow them to select their own classes), and it is likely that the class chosen allows them to learn abilities unique to that class as they level up. The available classes are: Furious Renegade (Fighter), Pious Nomad (Paladin), Rove Runner (Ranger), Robbery Expert (Rogue), Shenanigous Ruffian (Sorcerer), Wonderous Draconic (Wizard), Brawling Neanderthal (Barbarian), Balladric Deviant (Bard), Cathedral Curate (Cleric), Dirtfoot Diviner (Druid), Martial Knuckleslinger (Monk), Psyche Neurotic (Psion), Graymetal Ranger (Gunslinger), King's Trooper (Knight), Culinary Firebrand (Chef), Creation Nucleus (Craftsman), Charming Romantic (Charmer), Species Releaser (Summoner), and Mite (which is perceived by the story to be utterly useless, and percieved by the readers to be potentially powerful).

It is also possible to MultiClass, which is to invest the EXP gained in a level into another class aside from your primary, so as to gain some experience in a different class. However it is preferable to focus on a primary class as opposed to spending EXP on too many classes, which would cause the questant to miss out on their class's higher level skills. Leveling up seems to be achieved by gaining EXP (experience) from fighting (the likely target being monsters, though it would appear a small amount of EXP can be gained by fighting amongst eachother). Like in that other game, an Echeladder is employed to document the leveling process.

When a Questant chooses his or her class, any clothes they are wearing at the time are transformed to benifit their new vocation and thus take on new shapes and colours. From what has been seen, Psyche Neurotics obtain a purple garb with various new odds and ends, Balladric Deviants aquire flashy green and yellow clothes with new trimmings, Culinary Firebrands gain orange and yellow scrubs with firey designs and a free chef hat, and Mites may aquire either dull Grey and Black clothes or stay relativley/exactly the same.


Upon starting the game, a damsel is apparently selected at random from the team. The oh so lucky contestant selected, disappears into the game first, entering before the other players, and it is presumably the other players' job to rescue said damsel in distress (as may be the ultimate goal of the game). From what few things can be gathered from the instructions of SQUEST accompanying the CDs (which are poorly drawn, crumpled up, and cheese smelling, thus often going misunderstood or ignored completely), the role is gender indiscriminate even if the title henceforth suggests otherwise. Admins, however, are exempt from the damsel selection process, despite how the damsel selection icon cycles through all the players including the admin. PaperHelmet himself has stated that this is merely to heighen dramatic tension.

Upon entrance to the game, it has been suggested that they are found unconcious and taken to the Land of Volatile Energy, to be placed with the other Damsels. Though in one case, on Sarah's part, there was some resistance, even she was forced into submission by the Mistress.

The Land of Volatile EnergyEdit

Or LOVE for short, seems to be a bleak shadowy kingdom. Apparently all Damsels are found and taken there to await rescue. It seems to have a number of humanoid citizens residing in it, ruled by the Mistress, though their standpoint under her rule remains unclear, she does seem to have an entourage of loyal cloaked fighters, ready to abide to her will.

The Town Of Trade And LifeEdit

Despite its name, TOTAL is more of an extravagant city than a town. Sticking out like a sore thumb in the middle of the wasteland, it is surrounded by a guarded wall and houses many buildings, some of which tower far above the city. Many golden banners hang from the architecture, most of which seems to be styled in a gothic fashion. TOTAL seems to be occupied by quite a few different races, and is clearly a bilingual area, as shown by signs and billboards within the city. The city is also assumed to be very keen on its economy, and splits itself into several "districts", all dealing with a different kind of merchandise.

Buildings that have been explored in TOTAL include a Smithery, a branch of the equipment supply chain Bloodbath and Beyond, and an Ore Exchange Office. Some notable residents include a gruff Blacksmith, a helpful Guard, a quaint Fruit Vendor, and an ex-Law Enforcer, who is currently in a relationship with the Fruit Vendor.

The Four High KingdomsEdit

The world of SQUEST is inhabited by four dominant races known as the Four High Kingdoms, as told by TOTAL's Fruit Vendor:

Norns: Roughly man-sized insectoids with a dark carapace, bright eyes, curved wings on their backs and club-like antennae. Females of this species have a reddish carapace and tiny dots under their eyes. Some Norns have unique antennae.

Hobbits: A short, stocky race with thick antennae and large wings. The majority wear a loincloth-like shawl around their hips.

???: The names of the two other races have not yet been revealed. They seem to be a large, strong looking race with very long antennae, and a tall, slender race with wisened eyes and nubbed antennae.

Tropes Exhibited Edit

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